My
husband was born and raised in Greece.
He came from an extremely sports oriented family who also enjoyed
eating with gusto, fun loving company and relaxing as a deliberate activity. His mother is a warm, welcoming "food is
love" person. I was born and raised in the US by Dutch
parents. Our family focus centered
more on music, nature, travel and school studies.
I read
an article about how people's spouses are often like their parents. I smugly thought . . not always. . gazing at
a picture of my husband and I. I thought
of all the ways my mother-in-law – whom I adore and admire - - are
different. She was a very young mom; I became
one much later. She stayed at home; I
have always been a working mom.
She loves to be the domestic goddess, I prefer to dabble in the culinary
arts and have someone else take care of the house. She is Greek; I am American. She came from a less liberated era; the
times I live in give me infinitely more choices.
I thought I would ask my husband. Essentially, I was looking for him to validate my view. I am not sure why I cared . . I think being unique or different somehow in my mind had translated to good.
His
answer surprised me. He said, “Yes, I
think you are a whole lot like my mother.
It’s one of the reasons I love you.”
Are you kidding me???? I
only thought this as I ran through the list of differences again in
my head and wondered what on earth he could be thinking.
Instead,
I asked in a neutral tone (I hoped).
“Really, what do you see as the similarities?” His follow up reply surprised me too. He said, “Family is number one for you.
You are a wonderful mother to our kids, you like to take care of people, and
you are lots of fun to be with.” Wow –
now I was humbled.
I
realized he was right . . and I was wrong (okay that always hurts to say even
if it is just in my head). The
differences I focused on were not the important things. What he had pointed to were the essence of a
person. I loved he thought I was like
his mother in those ways.
She has
an amazing relationship with her son, which I hope I
can have with my kids as adults. I think
I also wanted, in some way, to separate my relationship with my
husband from the one she and he share.
But now I see the beauty in the connection and continuity. And I
wonder if my kids' spouses will resemble my husband and I. The whole
family is pictured celebrating my mother in law's name day in Greece.
